I Want To Return My Brain
I have a busy brain. 'That's a good thing' I hear you say because after all, aren't we all trying to 'out-busy' each other these days? Thinking about multiple things at the same time means you are super smart. Yay. Actually, mine is driving me crazy and I want to return it for a calmer and more tranquil model. Have you tried doing a sort of meditation exercise where you have to count backwards from 100 - 0 while taking deep breaths on every count? I have never got further than 86 before my brain has galloped off in a completely different direction. 'Aaaargh....what happened there?' I ask myself. 'I definitely was not thinking about the need to pick up the dog pooh a moment ago - I was quietly counting before the numbers went out the window'.
Unfortunately 'Busy Brain' syndrome has a close cousin called 'Overthink', which is actually an even more unwelcome guest in my head. Everything, literally everything has to be picked apart until there is nothing left for even the carrion to feed off. I haven't heard back from a friend on What's App for 5 minutes and I am flinging myself off the cliff in fear of having committed some totally reprehensible crime. One minute I am happily reading my book, the next I have abandoned the book having failed to take in a single word and am rushing to the grocery store for a forgotten, and usually unnecessary food item. I have a perfectly lovely interaction with a colleague in the coffee room followed by an agonising 10 minutes in which I review the conversation to make sure that I didn't say something I shouldn't have. I wake up in a cold sweat because I am convinced at 3am that I didn't send the conference call instructions to a client for a meeting the next day when actually I had sent them the moment I set up the meeting.
There is no other word for it but to say that it really is a nightmare especially since 'Overthink' usually likes to take a swift detour around nice, happy positive thoughts and go straight to the bad stuff. The only comforting part is that apparently I'm not alone since the vast majority of us spend our time wallowing in negativity. However, I envy those people whom you occasionally cross paths with who seem happy to 'go with the flow' and not worry about being late, being liked, being appreciated or any of the brain zones I would like to hang out. In the meantime, perhaps I'll try not sleeping for a couple of nights in the hope that it leaves my brain hurting so much it can't think at all.